I Feel Like I Am in a Funk

I Feel Like I Am in a Funk

I wish the title of this post stated that I feel funky. As Mrs. ROB would say that wouldn’t work either because I have no rhythm at all, which is true. But I don’t know what it is lately, but I feel in a funk. I don’t feel myself. I feel trapped. I feel like I can move and/or go anywhere.

I feel like my life is a bit out of control. Part of that is our continuing and ongoing saga with trying to be parents. There isn’t any news to report and it is coming up on the 1 year anniversary of my wife’s first miscarriage. It is still something that has very real twinges of pain. I think the process is wearing on me. We have been at this stuff for almost 3 years and I am getting impatient. I don’t know how it will end or when it will end and it leaves me feeling a little lost. I know there are no guarantees that we will be parents, but I want one. And yes we have considered adoption and it is potentially a viable option, but there are some circumstances right now that are keeping us from pursuing it. Primarily, we are still attempting another IVF cycle (my insurance covers up to 5 tries).

I also feel a bit lost at work. I feel like I can’t move forward. I have been supposedly writing this book for at least 3 years. I have different parts of it finished, but now I am starting to doubt myself if it is a good idea. Maybe I should just scrap it. I mean the stuff I have written might have to be updated. And the two parts I still have to go I, for whatever, reason just can’t get motivated to finish. So I go to other projects and flagellate myself for not finishing what I started.

Also, at work I just feel like I have hit a plateau. It isn’t that I don’t like my job, colleagues, etc, but I feel like the challenge has gone out of it a bit. I like to build things. I like to contribute and it just doesn’t seem like I am doing that much more. I feel, in some respects, I have done all I can. I am not saying I am going to move on, but maybe it is time for greener pastures. However, I just can’t up and leave because I am now at a certain position that I worked hard for where I don’t want to take a demotion. I don’t want to earn less money. But I might have too (if this even happens and most likely it won’t) if the right position came along that was in the right locale. I guess the advantage I have is that I have a really secure job and don’t have to move. I can stay here forever if I want, but I feel restless.

Financially, I feel things are going well, but I am also restless here. I want to accelerate our progress to the two comma club, but I know it is a waiting game. The tortoise always wins, but I am being impatient and want it to come quicker. I want my student loans gone quicker, but I know the best financial path is Public Service Loan Forgiveness. I want to pay off all of my other debt, even though the interest rates are low and I would get better returns in the market.

I guess I just want to wipe the slate clean on some things and it feels like I can’t.

Sorry for the downer post.

Anybody else feel in a funk? (now I have that song from Eddie Murphy’s Trading Places in my head). Thoughts about how to get out of it (not that there are any).

10 thoughts on “I Feel Like I Am in a Funk

  1. There are a surprising number of FI bloggers who struggle with this kind of stuff. Tim Kim at Tub of Cash just posted a similar thing, as have several others (thought I can’t find the links right now!).

    I’m going through some similar work issues, where the growth just doesn’t feel there. It’s not rewarding intellectually, even if it is monetarily. Very golden handcuffs-y.

    If you haven’t listened to it yet, Choose FI did a great podcast with Dominic Quarttuccio that talks about people “drifting” through life and how to break out of it. http://www.choosefi.com/033-design-future/

    One thing you might consider is taking something like 5-HTP. It’s an over-the-counter thing that’s supposed to help improve your mood. It sounds like you’ve had a lot of heavy stuff going on for an extended period of time, and that can lead to a kind of mild PTSD. I know people who have taken the 5-HTP rather than go for prescription stuff and found that it really helped them get back to level after a month or so.

    Keep sharing the struggles and the victories. It’s really helpful for others of us to see that everyone has ups and downs, even when we seem to have our crap together from so many angles.

    1. I will definitely listen to this this weekend. Thanks for heads up. And I will also look into the S-HTP. Anything might work. Thanks for the ideas.

  2. Sorry to hear about the funk. However, I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. It’s just part of the cycle of life. Some weeks, you feel like you’re on top of the world. Other weeks, not so much.

    Maybe you need to change some stuff up? Step away from the blog for a month or start walking 2 miles every day before work. From personal experience, I know both work.

    1. You are right. It is part of the cycle of life and I do need to change some things. I am doing some stuff health wise that I think is helping more reports in a blog post or two.

    2. You are right. It is part of the cycle of life and I do need to change some things. I am doing some stuff health wise that I think is helping more reports in a blog post or two.

  3. A couple observations. First, you are now a tenured full professor. The path “upwards” now is either administration or going to a “better” job (better being individually defined — could be prestige, geographical location, etc.). So, right now you don’t have a clear path to your next rung on the ladder. Second, you need to finish your book. It’s probably a lot better than you think it is. Try not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good, and get it done. That way, it is not hanging over your head.

    FWIW.

    1. You are right there is no clear path. And yes I do need to finish the book and I have been thinking that I just need to go back to the first chapter and write the damn thing.

      1. That is a good idea. Only problem is that I won’t be at NCA. I would rather do international conferences. The only way I would go if there were some employment prospects. That said, I think doing a panel on this would be a good thing.

  4. I agree with what Mr. 1500 says. I think it happens to everyone and not to read into it too much yet. Maybe try mixing up a few things (without trying to spend money so you get to that second comma-lol). I’m so sorry to hear about your trying to have a baby thing. I’m sure that must be tough. Hang in there! I’ve been there too and feel it somewhat right now too.

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